ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
