i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
