Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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