He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
