I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
