i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize