Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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