She's JV to your varsity
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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