some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
