my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize