my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
