Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
