how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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