he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
