A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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