is your mom at the bar?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
