i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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