my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
