I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
