my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
