I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize