I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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