I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize