I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
