just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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