i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Houston, we have a squirter
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
