she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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