i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
