he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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