dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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