East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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