There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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