he shaved USA in his pubs
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
