that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
