Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
