If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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