Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
