the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
