please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
