Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
