wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
