the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
