i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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