FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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