she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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