Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
