shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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