Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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