bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
