we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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