Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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