Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize