Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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