is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
