I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
