Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
