everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
