this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We left an ass print on the piano.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
