Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize