i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He shit in the fireplace
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
