Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
do herpes really smell.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
