Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My life is pants optional.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
