Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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