So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
