Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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