I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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