i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize