so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
