I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
