if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
